나이 먹을수록 천박淺薄해지는 나. - 자유논객연합 :: 논객넷

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자유토론방

나이 먹을수록 천박淺薄해지는 나.

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탈존

조회: 2966 등록일: 2018-03-13

<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>지난 토요일, 서울에서 옛 직장의 후배직원들 둘이 찾아왔다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>지금은 간부가 되어 제법 관록이 붙어 보이는 후배들이었는데, 그저 인사차 왔더라면 그렇지 않았을 터. 새로운 프로젝트를 맡았다며 무슨 이벤트사업에 자문을 구하고자 찾아왔다는 것이다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>서로 이야기를 주고받는 사이에 문득 목소리가 높아지고 있는 나를 발견한다. 드디어 못 말림 성 ‘잘난 척’이 발동한 것이다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>  <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>나의 잘난 척을 인지한 순간, 마치 찬물을 뒤집어쓴 느낌이 올라온다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>도대체 나이 일흔을 넘기고도, 더구나 위장에는 말기에 이른 암을 달고서도 여전히 잘난 척을 하고 싶은 걸까.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>이제는 누군가가 나를 비웃더라도 그러려니 할 만큼 수양이 되었다고 자부했더니 그야말로 착각에 불과했다는 것일까. 이거야, 나 자신이 너무나 어이없게 느껴져서 스스로 고소하지 않을 수 없다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>그야 뭐, 오랜만에 나를 알아주는 사람이 나타났다 싶어서 그럴 수도 있을 테지만 오히려 젊었을 때보다 더 주책이 된 것은 아닐까 싶어서 웃고 싶어진다는 거다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>어쩌면 20대의 내가 훨씬 강단 있고 수준 높은 정신을 지녔을지도 모른다고 생각하게 되는 순간이다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>  <o:p></o:p>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>진해 해군병원에 입원했을 때가 스물한 살, 첫 외출을 했을 때 이야기다. 하긴, 이것도 내 자랑일 수는 있겠지만.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>외출한다고 해봐야, 휠체어를 타고 누군가 밀어주어야 하는 처지였으니 진해시내로 나가는 것은 아예 기대조차 할 수 없었고 고작 통제부 안에 있는 해군회관 다방에서 멋진 음악을 감상하며 커피나 마시러 나가는 정도였다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>  <o:p></o:p>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>모처럼 환자복을 벗고 작업복으로 갈아입으려 했더니 작업복에 계급장과 명찰 등 기본적인 견장 외에 울긋불긋 난리도 아니었다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>“이게 다 뭐야?”
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>왼쪽 주머니 위에 자그마치 열두 개짜리 각종 훈장과 기장의 약장略章이 달려 있지 않겠는가.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>그렇지 않아도 해병대 명찰이 빨간색이라 쉽게 눈에 띄는데 약장까지 붙여놓으니 울긋불긋 그 화려함이 말도 아니다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>“이거 누가 붙였어?”
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>“제가 붙였는데요.”
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>부산 제3육군병원으로 갈 때 입어보고는 그대로 사물함에 넣어두었는데 후배전우들이 어느 사이에 약장을 붙인 것일까.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>  <o:p></o:p>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>“약장 떼어내.”
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>“파월전상자들 모두가 달고 다니는데 와 그라요? 근사하다 안 하요?”
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>“내가 받은 훈장이라고는 두 개, 기장이라야 파월 기장 한 개뿐이야. 후송되는 동안 그조차도 모조리 잃어버렸단 말이야. 그런데 이게 뭐야? 열두 개나 되잖아. 왜 가짜약장을 달고 다녀야 하지?”
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>“모두 그렇게 하는 긴데…….”
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>“떼어내. 훈장 많이 받았으면 어쩌라고? 더구나 정복도 아닌 작업복에 인디언추장처럼 울긋불긋 약장 달고 사람들 시선 끌어서 어쩌라는 거야? 알아주면 어떻고 몰라주면 어때서 이따위 것 달고 다녀.”
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>참고로 해병대는 졸병에게도 정복이 따로 있다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>  <o:p></o:p>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>여하간 젊은 날의 내 고집을 누가 말리겠는가.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>해병대 규정상 계급장과 명찰이면 그만이다. 당연히 멋 내자고 달았던 불필요한 견장들을 모조리 떼어내고 말았다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>나는 훈련소에서 받은 특등사수매달과 수색훈련, 공수훈련 등등의 각종 특수훈련 휘장조차 달아보지 않았던 사람이니 어쩌겠는가. 말하자면 젊었을 때의 나는 과시욕이 거의 없었다는 이야기다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>  <o:p></o:p>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>여하간 오랜만에 쐬어보는 바깥바람은 비록 해군통제부 안이었을지언정 그래도 신선하게 느껴졌다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>“그래, 멋진 음악이란 게 뭐야?”
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>“그게 ‘사랑의 기쁨’이라는 건데예, 트럼펫으로 연주하지 않는교. 끝내 준다 안 하요?”
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>“그래. 한번 들어볼까?”
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>해군회관 다방에서 오랜만에 듣는 ‘사랑의 기쁨’인지 뭔지 하는 음악은 어디선가 귀에 익은 멜로디였는데 클래식 음악을 트럼펫 곡으로 편곡을 한 것일까, 전쟁터에서 갓 돌아온 병사가 듣기에는 참으로 감미로웠다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>  <o:p></o:p>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>한참 음악에 매료되어 있는데 후배전우가 화장실 간다며 자리를 비우자 다방 아가씨가 접근해온다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>“신 수병님이지예. 기다리고 있었어예.”
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>“……?”
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>‘기다려? 나를 언제 봤다고?’
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>이름이야 명찰을 달았으니 한글 읽을줄 알면 누구나 알 수 있을 터이지만, 기다렸다는 말에 순간적으로 당황했다. 이렇게 젊고 예쁜 아가씨와 말을 나눈 경험이 나이 스물 하나에 이르기까지 전무全無했기 때문이다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>“어머, 귀신 잡는 해병께서 얼굴이 빨개지시다니……. 부끄럼 타시나봐. 제가 그렇게 무서운교?”
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>청소년 시절, 이웃집 여학생과 어쩌다 길거리에서 마주치기만 해도 도망치듯 자리를 피할 만큼 숫기 없는 성품이었던 내가 비록 의족을 착용하였기에 절단된 다리는 보이지 않는다 하나, 오른쪽 다리는 여전히 기브스에 뻗정다리가 아니던가.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>아예 여인과는 인연이 없다고 스스로 마음 다졌으니 이럴 때 어떻게 대응해야 하는지 알 리가 없었다. 더구나 유혹하는 듯 느껴지는 천박한 대사臺詞가 내 취향에 맞을 리 없지 않은가.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>  <o:p></o:p>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>“제가 예쁘지 않은교?”
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>“내가 누군 줄 알고 기다렸다는 거죠?”
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>대답하면서도 나는 여전히 이 상황을 이해할 수 없었다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>“최 수병님이 소개해 주셨어예. 한 번, 보네 줄 테니 사귀어 보라꼬예.”
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>어쩐지 ‘혼자 살지 못하는 게 남자다.’ 어쩌고저쩌고 말이 많더니 굳이 음악이 어쩠네 하며 억지로 외출을 강요했던 후배전우의 행동거지가 이해되는 순간이었다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>  <o:p></o:p>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>그러나 당시만 하더라도 불구된 충격에서 벗어나지 못했을 때였다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>어쩐지 밀려 올라오는, 마치 조롱당한 느낌의 감정을 억누르느라 안간힘을 써야 할 만큼 단전으로부터 치미는 거센 신경질이 있었다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>“어머! 제가 마음에 들지 않는교?”
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>아가씨가 당황스럽게 묻는 걸 보니 아마도 내 얼굴이 굳어졌던가보다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>“아가씨. 장난 해? 나는 여자를 사귀어 본 적도 없고 사귀고 싶어해본 적도 없어. 심지어 나 자신조차 좋아하지 못하는 사람이야. 더구나 불구로 살아가기에는 나 혼자 몸뚱이를 건사하기도 힘겨울 터. 여자……, 그거 좋은 건지 모르지만 스스로 익숙하지도 않은 종족과 말 따먹기 하고 싶은 마음 없어. 자네에게 잘못이 있는 건 아니겠지. 나를 이곳에 보낸 최 수병님의 문제겠지.”
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>  <o:p></o:p>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>말을 마치자마자 후배전우가 오기도 전에 손수 휠체어를 조정해서 다방을 나오고 말았다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>아직은 회복되지 못한 체력으로 병동까지 스스로 휠체어를 끌고 가기는 어려웠다. 걷잡을 수 없는 기분에 바닷가에 휠체어를 세워 고정시키고 잔잔한 파도를 바라보자니 만감이 서리지 않겠는가.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>비록 가난한 집안의 차남이었을지언정 누구보다 건강했던 육신이나마 있었건만, 그나마 불구자로 전락하고 말았으니 이제야말로 육신보다 머리로 살아야할 처지가 되었는가.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>뭔가, 이 세상을 살아갈 수 있는 기능 중, 중요한 무엇인가를 상실했다는 두려움이 몰려왔었다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>하지만 지독스레 힘겨웠던 청소년시절과 무에서 유를 창조한다던 해병정신이 두려움을 몰아내고 있었다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>  <o:p></o:p>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>그런들 어떠하겠는가.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>건강하면 어떻고 예쁘면 어떻다는 건가.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>예쁘다는 것이 무엇을 의미하는 것일까?
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>키가 남보다 크다 한들, 허우대가 멀쩡하다 한들, 대단한 미남, 미녀라 한들 그런 외양에 무슨 의미를 부여할 수 있단 말인가. 태어난 모든 생물들은 어차피 늙고 병들고 죽어야 하는 것.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>건강 역시 마찬가지.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>생명이 없다 하는 강가의 조약돌조차 닳고 깎이고 깨지다가 결국 한 알의 모래로 쇠락衰落하여 사라져가는 것. 언제 시작하여 언제 끝날지도 모르는 우주의 섭리 속에서 그야말로 눈 깜빡할 사이도 되지 못할 순간에 미녀였으면 어떻고, 키가 컸으면 어떻고, 건강했으면 또 어떻겠는가.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>  <o:p></o:p>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>그리 생각하면서도 나라고 해서 20대의 젊은 혈기에 어찌 여인에 대한 호기심이 없다 할까 싶어서 실소를 터뜨렸었다. 아마도 스스로 억누르고 있었을 뿐, 관심이 전혀 없는 것은 아니었을 것이다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>옷 속에 숨겨져 볼록 튀어나온 처녀의 탐스런 유방을 볼 때나 새벽에 잠이 깨었을 때 고추가 텐트를 치는 것은 세상의 모든 청년들과 다를 바 없지 않던가.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>‘정말 내가 여자에게 관심이 없는 것일까.’
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>수없이 되뇌어 본 의문이었다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>그건 아닌 것 같았다. 다만 나의 삶이 그런 사치스런 감정을 허용하지 않았을 뿐이었을 것이다. 마음이 가는 여학생을 만났을 때, 그런 감정이 불장난을 하듯 마음속에서 피어오를 때마다 얼마나 스스로를 비웃었던가.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>  <o:p></o:p>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>더구나 이제는 평생을 지워도 지워지지 않을, 피가 흥건히 젖어 있는 손을 들고 누구를 사랑한단 말인가.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>베트남에서는 미처 생각지 못했던 손에 젖은 적군의 피라는 개념…….
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>‘나는 죄의식을 느끼는가?’
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>급류처럼 빠르게 흐르는 의식 속에서 나는 예전에는 생각지도 못했던 생소한 파문을 강하게 느꼈다. 그러고 보니 나는 그동안 죄의식을 느끼지 못했던 건 아닐까. 일찍이 죄라는 단어의 개념은 알았으되 느끼지 못하고 있었다…….
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>그것이 나의 그간 살아온 경로였었다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>‘죄…….’
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>한창 세계문학전집을 읽기 시작하던 중학교 입학하던 해, ‘죄와 벌’이라는 러시아 소설을 읽고는 감동을 이길 수 없어 며칠씩이나 밤잠을 설쳤던 기억이 있었다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>  <o:p></o:p>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>그러나 그 감동은 소설 속의 가상으로부터 얻은 거짓이었을 뿐. 실은 죄라는 개념을 의식하지 못하고 살아오지 않았던가. 어쩌면 나의 지난 과거의 일상에서는 죄라는 개념 자체가 오히려 정신적인 사치에 불과했을 만큼 생활환경이 급박했던 것이었는지도 모른다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>굶주림이란 그런 것일까.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>인간이 이룩한 모든 질서와 도덕, 그리고 현대문명들이 굶주리는 자들의 시각으로는 사치의 산물일지도 모른다. 조금만 여유로워도 새로운 질서를 만들어내고 거기에 의미를 붙여 치장하기를 멈추지 않는 존재가 인간이 아니던가.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>  <o:p></o:p>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>어차피 밀림의 먹이사슬을 유지하면서도…….
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>‘입대하면서 비로소 굶주림을 면했지. 월남에서는 언제나 남아도는 것이 기름진 음식이었어. 미국에서 병원운영을 지원해주는 덕분에 파월전상자들은 병원에서도 마음만 먹으면 언제든지 배를 불릴 수 있었지.’
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>지금도 그다지 크게 변한 것은 아니지만 내게는 자신 있게 내린 인생의 정의定義가 있었다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>‘배부를 때가 가장 행복하고 배고플 때가 가장 불행하다.’
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>내게 죄의식이란, 굶주림에서 벗어나면서 자신도 모르는 사이에 자연스럽게 인식되기 시작했을 것이다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>나는 그 당시, 인생의 정의를 이제 ‘배고플 때가 가장 행복하고 배부를 때가 가장 불행하다.’ 라고 바꿔야할지도 모른다고 생각했었다. 배부른 만족감에 스스로 인간으로써의 자존심을 접고 신에게 자신을 의탁한다면 과연 그것을 자신의 삶이라 할 수 있을 것인가.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>  <o:p></o:p>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>전쟁을 경험하며 내가 깨우친 바, 그건 아니었다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>자신의 의지로 세상을 살았더라도 의미 없기는 마찬가지다. 그러나 신에게 모든 것을 의탁한 삶이야말로 허망한 삶이 아니겠는가. 과연 한 인간의 인생을 놓고 어떻게 살았느냐가 중요하다 말할 수 있는 것일까.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>“왜 살았느냐.”
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>스스로에게 그렇게 질문하고 그 질문에 답할 수 있을 때, 그나마 절대자 앞에서 인간의 자존심을 지켰노라 말할 수 있다는 것일까. 설혹 자존심을 지켰다 한들 그것에 무슨 의미가 있다는 것일까.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>  <o:p></o:p>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>내 성품이 이 모양이었으니 과시욕 따위가 있었을 리 없다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>그러던 내가 나이 70이 넘어, 후배직원들에게 잘난 척, 자신을 과시하기에 이른 것이다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>이즈음에 문득 스스로 위안하는 마음이 올라온다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>‘아직은 살아있는데……, 산다는 게 관계일진데……, 가끔은 나 자신도 과시해야 삶의 의욕도 생기는 것. 한 번의 과시로 타락했다고 생각할 건 또 뭐겠는가. 오히려 과시욕이 없다함이 또 다른 과시가 아닐까.’
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>  <o:p></o:p>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>나이 들어 달라진 것이 있다면 이거야! 저거야! 결론을 얻음과 동시에 일로 매진하던 불같던 성품이 사라지고 이래도 흥! 저래도 흥! 얽혀 사는 성품으로 변했다고나 할까.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 150%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>과거를 되새긴 덕분에 지나치게 흥분되던 과시욕은 다소 가라앉았지만 그나마 ‘이래선 안 돼!’라는 마음이 있는 걸 보면 아직은 죽을 때가 되지 않은 모양이다.
  <o:p></o:p>

댓글 : 2 건



이전글	김정은 남북·북미회담은 적화통일 위한 속임수
다음글	염화당 유감 [4]

번호	제목	작성자	조회	등록일
11633	문재인과 야당 무능에 대한 분노가 이준석 돌풍, 민주당 끝났다.	남자천사	2993	2021-06-04

11632	이종명• 김순례• 김준교 홧팅! [3]	안티다원	2993	2019-02-23

11631	이종명 의원 제명? 이게 말이 되는가? [3]	운지맨	2993	2019-02-14

11630	이재용 방북 전날… 삼성 8번째 압수수색...왜? [1]	꼴통우파	2993	2018-09-18

11629	병주고 약주는 미친 정권. [1]	산동거사	2993	2018-01-09

11628	나는 반기문의 인식에 동의하지 않는다. [1]	탈존	2993	2017-02-04

11627	보문산님! 안동촌노님 글 영상 요청합니다 [3]	비바람	2993	2017-01-24

11626	치졸한 보복!~ [2]	토함산	2992	2019-02-22

11625	'회담 비판'후폭풍, 홍준표 시련? [4]	산동거사	2992	2018-05-04

11624	김정은의 술수에 미국이 춤을 출까? [3]	탈존	2992	2018-04-02

11623	그는 이제 소기의 목적을 충분히 달했다고"본다!~ [2]	토함산	2992	2017-02-13

11622	탄핵소추사건을 기각시키려면? 언론을 바로 잡아야!! [1]	정창화	2992	2016-12-15

11621	서민 "홍어 거시기 된 檢개혁"…추미애·조국 싸잡아 때렸	조고아제	2991	2020-09-08

11620	아프칸 패망 타산지석 삼아 월남패망 희열 느꼈다는 문재인 처단하자	남자천사	2991	2021-08-19

11619	윤석열 영입 주장하는 놈들은 프락치다 작전 세력	사기탄핵	2991	2021-05-30

11618	김정은 이새끼 푸틴이랑 손잡고 뭐 하려는 거냐	운지맨	2991	2019-04-02

11617	이언주는 한국판 잔다르크 (2부)	운지맨	2991	2019-03-28

11616	장자연 시체팔이 또 시작이냐	운지맨	2991	2019-03-05

11615	드루킹 김경수가 깃털이라면 그보다 더큰 몸통은 어디 숨었나? [3]	아침이슬	2991	2019-02-13

11614	경제도 죽이고 국민도 죽이는 문재인 국민이 감방 예약해 놨다.	남자천사	2991	2019-02-06

11613	대북강경책 선회한 미국. 대화로 핵해결 문정권에 경제보복	남자천사	2991	2018-03-20

11612	북 미전쟁에서는 이미 트럼프가 진 것이다.	안동촌노	2991	2018-03-10

11611	한문은 어려워도 배워야 한다, 잔설(殘雪)/재록 [6]	최성령	2991	2017-12-31

11610	개처럼 얻어 터지는 대한민국~그리고 비굴한 인간! [3]	토함산	2991	2017-12-14

11609	대한민국 4성장군에 대한 모독을 멈춰라! [3]	비바람	2991	2017-08-06

11608	국민의당도 바른 말을 할 때가 있구나.	탈존	2991	2017-07-26

11607	문재인 아들 취업 의혹 (펌)	과객	2991	2017-04-04

11606	이래저래 국회는 해산해야 한다.	凡平	2991	2017-03-09

11605	사실인즉은, 이만희의원 위증교사는 없었네요.	운전사	2991	2016-12-18

11604	반대 현상 이었다면 각 방송국들은 다 타 버렸을 것이다.	凡平	2991	2016-12-17

11603	조갑제의 정체 (9) - 부정선거	운지맨	2990	2022-11-04

11602	양상훈의 질 나쁜 칼럼 [2]	안티다원	2990	2021-05-27

11601	장 날 - 노천명 (명시감상) [1]	샤갈의마을	2990	2018-09-23

11600	문재인정권에 대한 보수우파의 큰 착각 내지 오해/경제 [1]	현산	2990	2018-09-04

11599	민노총 전교조 문정권 모두가 같은 패거리 아닌가. [1]	빨갱이 소탕	2990	2017-12-21

11598	이제 우리들은 정신 차려야 한다 !	안동촌노	2990	2017-09-11

11597	국가 간 종전선언(終戰宣言)은 전부 개소리다	청원	2989	2021-09-23

11596	이언주는 한국판 잔다르크 (4부)	운지맨	2989	2019-04-01

11595	뱅모 박성현 정규재를 까다 [2]	안티다원	2989	2019-02-19

11594	Unjiman - Our Dream	운지맨	2989	2019-02-07

11593	한국당과 전원책에게 주는 조언.	산동거사	2989	2018-10-08

11592	갈수록 이해하기 어려운 우리나라 법	탈존	2989	2018-06-01

11591	이미 회생할 수 없을 만큼 썩은 사회 [2]	탈존	2989	2018-04-16

11590	5천만국민 북핵인질로 잡히고 대화타령하는 문정권 퇴출이 살길 [1]	남자천사	2989	2017-09-06

11589	논설위원 필진을 개편합니다 [5]	관리자	2989	2017-08-31

11588	외교적 해결 타진에 한두달은 시간은 주겠지만 최종적으로는 군사적 옵션이	송곳	2989	2017-07-27

11587	부회장으로서 한 말씀 올립니다 [3]	아침이슬	2989	2017-02-13

11586	방송 천국이 방송 지옥으로...	凡平	2989	2017-01-30

11585	촛불은 스스로 배신당할 싹을 키운다. [2]	동남풍	2989	2016-12-27

11584	마르크스 프로이트 니체-哲學-	안티다원	2988	2022-12-24


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